Jeege's · ImaginaryLand

You.
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Explanations.

1. Yourself: Jeege
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse: Uvon
3. Your hair: Parted
4. Your Mother: Loving
5. Your Father: Nutty!
6. Your Favorite Item: Computer
7. Your dream last night: Forgotten
8. Your Favorite drink: Wine
9. Your Dream Car: Mustang
10. The room you are in: Tiny
11. Your Ex: Angry
12. Your fear: Alone
13. What you want to be in 10 years? Happy
14. Who you hung out with last night? Uvon
15. What You’re Not? Relaxed
16. Muffins: Yum
17. One of Your Wish List Items: IPod
18. Time: Fleeting
19. The Last Thing You Did: Shower
20. What You Are Wearing: Underpants
21. Your Favorite Weather: Sunny
22. Your Favorite Book: Nonfiction
23. The Last Thing You Ate: Enchiladas
24. Your Life: Adventure
25. Your Mood: Chipper
26. Your best friend: Crazy
27. What are you thinking about right now? Work
28. Your car: Teal
29. What are you doing at the moment? Typing
30. Your summer: Exciting
31. Your relationship status: Boyfriended
32. What is on your TV? Antenna
33. What is the weather like? Warm
34. When is the last time you laughed? Today

That's it for now!

Jeege

Okay, so I haven't updated in a super long time (almost a month), but I've had good reason. Plenty of good reasons, actually. I'm going to share some of them with you now.

First of all, Uvon and I found an apartment. The second place we looked at turned out to be perfect, so after a lot of finagling and finding the money, we put down our first month's rent and signed a lease. It starts April first, and our old ones end May first, so we're going to take the month to move. We'd both like to be in the new place by April 20th, so we have time to clean our old places to make sure we get our security deposits back. The new place is fabulous...it's about 5 blocks north of where we are now, but there are more "amenities" in the neighborhood. It's a small building (six units?) and our unit is the most architecturally interesting...it's on two levels, but hard to explain. I'll post pics once we get in there.

Moving has had us both a little stressed recently. We've noticed that we have shorter fuses than usual, and that we are having more miscommunications than usual, so we're trying to talk about our relationship a lot, and what we're feeling, and we're also trying to take each other with a grain of salt. It seems to be going okay, but I'm waiting until we're in the apartment and settled to breathe a sigh of relief. Moving is one of the most stressful events, psychologically (right up there with marriage, divorce, death and changing jobs), so it's no wonder that we're a little on edge.

Work has been...well, it's been wearing me down lately. Our new manager started the other day, and she seems great, and I'm totally grateful for the help. My regional manager commented that I seem to be unhappy at work for the past couple months (duh!), and wanted to know how she could help. That was nice...she's a good lady. She also told me to take a little vacation in April, which I think I'll take her up on. I haven't really EVER had more than two days off in a row since I've been at this job (over a year), and I think I need to get some persepective. I'm trying to align my vacation with moving, so I can feel like I'm accomplishing something, and not just sitting around the house playing on the internet.

Now on to the drama...

On March 10, an apartment fire on the north side of Chicago took the lives of two of my friends, and two others who were there. One of my friends (Jenn) left behind a four-year-old son, and all of the victims were in their early twenties. It's a very, very sad thing. I went to Jenn's wake, but I wasn't able to make it to her funeral or any of the others' funerals because of work. They were dear friends of Alice, who is one of my best friends (and with whom I work), so I had to make sure she was off work to attend everything. The whole thing is very sad and unnecessary...a homeless woman, who is severely mentally ill, started the fire in their stairwell to keep warm, and it just progressed from there. The woman is in custody, but she is so out of it, she barely understands what she did. I can't blame her...as far as I'm concerned, it was a random act that turned out tragic.

Uvon's grandmother had several small strokes yesterday, and she's in the hospital for observation and tests. Any prayers would be appreciated. She's a relatively young person, and she's very vibrant and active, so hopefully all of this will pass and she'll be fine. So far, there doesn't seem to be any lasting damage...keep your fingers crossed.

That's it for now (is that enough?). Talk to you soon...I promise to be better about posting!

So, we looked at another place yesterday and we really loved it...even more than the other place. The location is good, the rent is in our range, and it's larger than we thought we could afford. Please send some prayers our way as we submit our application and attempt to get this apartment.

I was off of work yesterday, and I needed it. I work at 1 today, and we received a large shipment this morning, so I'll probably spend most of my day checking that in. That's fine with me, but it means I won't have time for anything else, and our secretary gets back from vacation tomorrow. I haven't really had much time to work on her tasks this week, and I know she's going to be pissed off, but that's just too bad.

I just talked to Alice at work, and Rebecca (the manager who's been coming to "help" me out a couple days a week) apparently did NOTHING yesterday. This means that I still have a ton of things to do. Arrgghhh...I'm so sick of my job. I've been thinking about applying for something at the insurance company where my mom works. I used to work there during the summer, and I'm just dying for a 9-to-5 job where I can leave my work at work. I'm tired of being on call all the time. Okay, enough bitching.

That's about it. Our friends Josh and Mark are having a housewarming Saturday night, and that should be fun. Of course, I have to work Sunday, so I'll try to curtail my drinking at said party. Sunday is the Oscars, and I think we're going to Michelle's for that.

Other than that, just keeping my fingers crossed about the apartment. Byee!

Okay, so I'm pretty stressed out right now, and I'm going to abuse this space as my personal venting outlet. If you choose not to read further, so be it, but I'm going to keep talking anyways.

WORK:
So I know that I complain about work all the time, but it's getting to the point where I don't even want to go. I actually called the store to say I would be late today, and then TOOK A NAP. That's how little I want to be there. And, just as I suspected, as soon as I walked in, I was greeted with complaints, customer issues, conflicts between associates, and general negativity. I can't stand working someplace where I'm constantly surrounded by negativity. It eats away at me. I also can't deal with doing between two and three jobs at once. By this, I mean how we still don't have a manager (there is someone who is taking the position, but Lord knows when they'll get around to transferring her), and our clerical worker is out this week, so I have to do her job too. And, let me tell you, I'm not good at her job. I've never been adequately trained on how to accomplish her tasks, plus, with the new cash register system, it's gotten even more difficult. I'm really beginning to think I need to get out of retail. I just want to have a weekend off, dammit!

CHURCH:
I've been feeling more and more uncomfortable at church lately, and that's a shame. I love my church, and I have some very good friends there, but I feel like everyone is taking Will's side in things. He was just recently elected to the Vestry, which I felt was a slap in the face, and everyone seems to be rallying around him as the "wronged" individual. I know it sounds petty, but I wish they knew how much of a hand he had in our breaking up. It was definitely not all me, that's for sure. I just hate not feeling welcome in a faith community that I had considered my home.

MOVING:
Okay, so I'm really excited that Uvon and I are moving in together. It's high time we did it, and I love new apartments, and I know it will ultimately be a great thing. But the process is draining on me. First of all, my finances are pretty much in shambles right now. I'm getting a pretty substantial tax return, which will be used toward the security deposit, etc., but otherwise I'm strapped for cash. I actually had to use a credit card to pay for my kitten's neutering (and I had stopped using credit altogether up until this). I had to call Cingular to stop them from shutting off my phone, and I've had to borrow money from Uvon (something I swore I would never do). My lack of money just compounds my dissatisfaction with the work situation, as I am far from adequately compensated for the work I do.

In conclusion, I'm a super-fun person to be around right now (that was sarcasm, in case you didn't catch it). I could use whatever prayers and support you can throw my way right now. As for me, I'm going to bed...all this bitching has worn me out.

It's snowing here in Chicago, but it's really pretty snow...not that terrible freezing-cold ice-snow we had last week. It's fluffy and white and makes the city a prettier place to be, at least until it turns into slush. Jeege no like slush.

This whole Anna Nicole Smith thing intrigues me. I was very sad the first night I heard about it...it seems like she never had a chance. She was thrown into the spotlight (albeit willingly), and has been in the news since she first posed in Playboy. It seems like, for all her fame, she couldn't escape tragedy. I suppose we shall see how this plays out in the days and weeks to come.

Someone called in sick to work, again. I'm so tired of dealing with these attendance issues. This is your job, people, so please be grown-up enough to show up! We're getting a manager finally, btw. It's a woman, which could be good or bad, but will probably be good. I can't wait for my workload to lighten once I have another manager around...I can finally get back to just doing my job! Plus, we've been missing a full-timer since our old manager left, so scheduling will become much easier. Okay, enough about work.

The kittens are fun. Henry (my kitten) is the NEEDIEST cat I've ever encountered. I do have to admit that I had a hand in that...I give him constant attention, and pet him and wrestle with him and pick him up. But the other night, he actually fell asleep with me holding him like a teddy bear! Most cats would rather die than have someone wrap their arm around them, but not Henry! There's no such thing as bad attention for this cat! Erasmus (Uvon's kitten) is more cat-like in his approach to humans. He's still a very friendly cat, but he can be a little standoffish. He sleeps at the foot of the bed, Henry sleeps on my neck.

That's all for now. Tonight is Alone Time Night, so I'll try to post again. Until then...

Keep it real!

Okay, so, for those of you not in Chicago...it's DAMN COLD! I mean negative temperature cold. Frozen snot cold. Can't feel your fingers (or toes or nose or the front of your legs) cold. Colder than a witch's tit (and probably several other parts of a witch).

Have I ever mentioned what I think of winter clothes? I HATE THEM! Winter clothes take normal, attractive, human-looking people, and turn them into gross, asexual, wool-encrusted lumps of flesh. I can't stand the way I look all bundled up. It's not cute, nor is it the idealized "I'm-going-skiing-don't-I-look-cute" thing that the media wants us to believe. Oh, no...face it people, we all look incredibly unattractive when outside in the cold. In addition to the garb, we make all kinds of faces to try to keep from freezing to death...from the "Into the Wind" squint to the "I'm trying to keep blood in my skin" frantic face spasm.

In conclusion, winter is an incredibly unattractive time for all of us. Maybe "Oprah" should do a show about what's it's like to be "winterized". You know, like when they dress someone up like they're fat, and then watch everyone treat them like crap. We could take somebody totally hot, like a supermodel or something, and dress them up in a parka and scarf and earmuffs and mittens, and then see how people on the street treat them. I bet they would get treated just like everyone else...and then Oprah's slightly heavyset audience could laugh at the "poor" pretty person not getting everything they want! I swear, the American public is hungry for this sort of thing.

Okay, time to go to bed before I get too silly. Stay warm!

Okay, so as y'all know, Uvon and I are moving in together after our leases are up (April). Well, we've really started getting into "Our Place" mode, and it's totally fun. I've been looking at places on the internet, and it looks like we can get a cool apartment in our neighborhood for what we can afford. Yay! I'm also realizing that I should have looked harder when I moved into this place. I mean, I love my building, but it's pretty expensive for the amount of space I have. Of course, I was in a bit of a hurry when I moved in here, so I guess I couldn't be too picky. I just think of all the money I could have saved if I had found a cheaper place.

Anyhoo, we're having fun picking out furniture we can't afford from CB2 and deciding what colors we like and all of that. It's always great to have something cool to look forward to.

Of course, packing and unpacking and the part in between all suck, but then fun starts.

...but I ended up going to Alice's place for a "Girls' Night" and I stayed over, so I didn't have the time I usually do on Alone Time Night to post. And it's been pretty busy since then.

Work is grating on my nerves again. I know everyone is sick of hearing about this, and if that applies in your case, skip to the next paragraph. This week, I'm just tired of not having a life. My schedule has changed this week FOUR TIMES...and I mean radically changed. I was supposed to be off today, but now I'm working in the evening. I was supposed to work tomorrow, but now I'm off. And I was supposed to open on Saturday, which I had requested, because the Young Adults group at Uvon's church is have a Mid-Winter Revival, and I was planning on being very involved in leading the program. However, now I have to close on Saturday and miss the revival, which sucks...I was excited about my portion of the program. I'm going to pass the torch to Uvon, but I really wanted to participate in this. I feel like I could use a personal Revival this month. I haven't been to church since the first Sunday of the month (because of work) and I won't be able to go this Sunday, and I'm jonesing for some communal worship activity. My personal devotions are wonderful, but part of being a Christian is joining with other Christians in prayer, and I haven't had much of that recently. Hopefully things will settle down on this front very soon.

I just realized this morning that it's been over a year since Uvon and I got back together. That made me happy...I love all of our milestones, and this is a big one. I mean, we still had some issues to work out at this point last year, but for the most part, we've been together for a year straight. And I still love him...moreso, actually. We can't wait to move in together. It's fun and scary all at once to go to a new level in a relationship, but I know that we're totally ready for this one. In fact, living in seperate apartments has become more of an annoyance than anything else. We stay at his place most of the time anyways, and I feel like I'm paying rent for a very large closet instead of an apartment. Next month, we'll start more of an intense search for our home together.

Okay, time to go shower and shave before work. I should check and see with whom I'm working today...that can make or break my day. Or maybe I'll just leave it for a surprise...No, I'm going to go look. =) Laters, all!

I promise I'll write more tonight, but here's an update for y'all...

Inventory Sucks! My sleep schedule is all screwed up, I'm sick of looking at nine-digit numbers, and I can't wait to get back to "normal" at work, whatever that is.

On the other hand, our inventory went really well...better than it ever has. Quite a feather in my managerial cap!

GO BEARS! I wish I still had my 45 of the "Super Bowl Shuffle"! That game was awesome yesterday, even if my Saints lost.

We went and saw "The Queen" on Friday. I liked it, but I'll comment further on that later on.

I finished reading "Mere Christianity". Again, commentary to follow.

Time to hop in the shower before work. I'll post tonight, as it's Alone Time Night, and I always post then.

Adieu!

So, I had a momentous day off...not really, but I do have lots to talk about, and that's nearly the same thing.

Yesterday, I was on my way to Oak Brook for inventory at 6 am. It was freezing rain out. I got there, inventory-ed until 2, and then left. 'Nuff said on that.

I went to Mama and Daddy's after that. It was good to see them, as I haven't been to Lombard since Christmas. Mom is healing pretty well from her back surgery, and Daddy is...well, Daddy. He seems to want to forget about all the unpleasantness of our conversation on Christmas Day, which is fine with me. I've already put it in the past, so I like the idea of moving on. We had sauce for dinner (yay!), and I have leftovers for dinner tonight, which makes me smile.

Today, I drove Uvon to work (and he bought me Starbucks, as usual when I drive him...a mocha, for a change...I'm pretty shifty LOL!), and then I came back to my place. Then I colored my hair. I decided to go red, which I haven't done in a long time. Now, I thought it was going to be dark auburn, but it's RED! I love it, but Uvon is scared, and since tonight is our Alone Time Night, he won't see it in person until tomorrow night, after I get back from work. Here's the pic I sent him:



This picture not only shows my fabulous red hair (which really makes my green eyes "pop"), but my new cell phone! The new phone was a long time coming. My old one (an LG, I'll never buy one again) had terrible reception, and I decided to go with a trusty old Nokia. You can throw a Nokia in the garbage disposal and it will still work like the day you bought it. Thank God they started making flip phones, because that's the only kind of cell phone I can deal with. Anyhoo, I have a new phone.

I went shopping with Martha today, and we had a great time. Martha and I joke that we are 75-year-old women trapped in young bodies. Some time (not now), I'll fill you in on all our proof of this. Anyways, we always have a good time together, and this was no exception. We shopped on State Street, which is great. I bought a new t-shirt at H&M (yes, I'm skinny enough to look good in their clothes, so sue me!), and it's really hot...black with yellow stripes on the shoulders, and a yellow collar. And it was only $7! Yes, I know, H&M clothes fall apart after two washings, but I'm still going to enjoy it while it lasts! We then went to Urban Outfitters (where the clothes don't even fit ME!), Filene's, and Macy's (yes, I know I work there, but the State Street store is a sight to behold). All in all, a good shopping day, and we were tired as hell when we got on the el.

That's it for today. Tomorrow...inventory hell continues. Tonight...the internet and taking it easy. Now that's the life.

Laters, Babes!

I'm not sick anymore. I'm glad, because that sucked.

I just worked for 7 hours on inventory prep, placing 859 bar code stickers on merchandise locations. I'm dizzy from all the black-and-white stripes.

Going to go see "The Queen" (quit laughing!) tonight with Uvon. I think a movie is all I have to mental capacity for this evening.

Tomorrow...inventory at Oak Brook! Starting at 7...ending ???...how's that for excitement.

And with that, I'll talk to you again when I'm off on Monday.

Go Bears!

So, now that Uvon is finally feeling better, I'm sick. I (thankfully) don't have any of the stomach symptoms he did, but I'm feverish, run-down, achy, dizzy, and either sweating or shivering most of the time. I started feeling bad yesterday, and by the time we closed the store, I was not doing well at all. I'm slightly better today, but I still came home early from work to rest up (I have to work again tomorrow, but I have Thursday off). I'm going to have to opt-out of TV night with our friends tonight (it's a Tuesday night tradition!), but I'm so achy and lazy that I'm kind of glad not to have all the excitement. Plus, the last thing I want to do is get all our friends sick, so I'm just going to cool my heels at Uvon's place and read and watch TV.

The main problem with being sick right now is that we are gearing up for inventory at work, so every day there are new tasks that absolutely have to get done. Right now, we're in a position to have a very good inventory, but we have to keep on top of everything. There's a lot of organization and detail work to do, and those are usually strong points of mine, but with me feeling so crappy I'm not exactly on top of my game. Arrgghhh...hopefully I'll be feeling better quickly.

Other than that...not much going on. I'm leading our weekly Bible study on Thursday night. We're doing a series of sermons, and I really like the one that we're doing this week. I'm finally finishing "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis, and there are a lot of common themes between that and the sermon. I still have to decide what the focus of this study will be, but as I said, I'm off on Thursday, so I can spend the day working on that.

That's it for now. I'll let you know when I'm back to my old self.

So, 2007 goes on...and, I believe, continues to have more promise.

This week at work was not great. I'm starting to realize that I may need a career change some time soon. I know I was on track to become manager of my own department soon, but I'm beginning to worry that I don't really want to be manager. I mean, even as assistant, I feel like my life is not my own. I'm constantly being called, and I can't fault anyone for that, as it is the nature of the job. So I'm going to start weighing some options. At the very least, I can stay on at this job and see how it pans out. I know I'm burnt out from the holiday season, and maybe once I get past that I'll have some clarity.

Uvon became very sick on Friday morning. He was fine, and then suddenly had severe stomach problems and a fever. He stayed home that day, which was good, but I was very worried about him, especially with how warm he was. Yesterday he seemed better, but even today he's still very worn out. I've been taking good care of him, don't you worry. I think he's back on the road to health (he's napping as I type this).

I've continued with my introspection and assessment of my life, and trying to take responsibility for my own happiness. I've been very good about money lately, which is hard for me. A couple of bills are going to go down significantly very soon, which will give me more money to put toward debt. I'm very excited about moving in with Uvon in April (yay!), and I need to save money for that. I also need to make sure I'm in a good place to be a good live-in boyfriend. We've had some conversations, and I'm pretty confident that we are both on the right track to being the best boyfriends we can be for each other.

Warning: I am about to discuss some very spiritual topics, so if you are sensitive to such conversation, you may be excused.

I had a sort of revelation today at church. It may sound silly to some of you, but hear me out...It was a very meaningful experience for me, and it has colored my outlook all day, and I hope will continue to do so. My friend Martha bought me a book of, for lack of a better term, "daily reflections" for people who need to de-stress (e.g., me!). Now, I'm a total freak for things like this, so she really couldn't have bought it for a better candidate. So I've been using this book as part of my daily meditation (meditation and quiet time are both part of my "resolutions" for the new year). Today, before mass, I was reading the thought for the day. It was about guilt, sin, and forgiveness. I won't bore you with all the details, but the main thrust was that guilt is a powerful thing. We carry it around long after it was formed, we allow it to color our outlook, and we use it to make all sorts of decisions in our present life, basing all of this on past bad actions. I thought about this, and how much guilt I really do carry around. I'm able to recall just about every bad thing (real or perceived) that I have done in my life, and I can conjure up guilt about all of them. Some might call me a guilt junkey.

Anyhoo, the meditation talked about the forgiving nature of God. As I contemplated this, I thought about how I have recently realized how I "hold back" and don't give myself fully to others out of fear of rejection, hurt, betrayal, or some imagined future slight that will probably never come to pass. I wondered if this might carry over into my faith life, and my relationship to God in regards to forgiveness. Maybe I'm not allowing God to forgive me as He wants. I might be putting my own human "baggage" onto the Eternal. I've been known to make decisions for people in my head, and base my behavior on those imaginary conversations. I made a point of thinking about my life in relation to God's forgivness for the rest of mass.

As I was walking up to Communion, a thought occured to me. Don't think I'm crazy, but it was almost like God was speaking directly into my head. The thought was, "I ALREADY FORGAVE YOU! You've been worrying and feeling guilty about sins that are ALREADY FORGIVEN! Give Me the chance to show you my mercy, and stop deciding for me what I hold against you!". When I talked to Uvon about it, he summed it up...it was like Cher slapping me and shouting, "Snap out of it!". Needless to say, this revelation of sorts was amazing, and it's like I'm looking at my faith life with whole new eyes. I'll keep you posted.

Okay, well, I have to go finish such mundane tasks as finishing dinner (pork and green bean stew in the crock pot, yum!) and doing laundry. Laters, babies!

Happy New Year everyone!

The length of my subject line is a good indicator of the length of this post, so buckle up and keep your hands and legs inside the vehicle at all times.

First, an observation. Picture it, Sicily, 19...oh, I mean, Chicago, 2007 (this morning)...

I had just dropped Uvon off at work, and I looked around the car and noticed a few things. I was wearing a v-neck undershirt, leather bomber jacket, trendy jeans and sneaks, and my sunglasses. I had a cigarette in one hand, a Cinnamon Dolce latte in the other, and I was listening to NPR and driving a little too fast.

If you alter a few key details...change the trendy jeans and sneakers to Wranglers and Reeboks, and change the Starbucks coffee to homemade coffee in a travel mug, and change NPR to AM new radio...

You get...

MY FATHER!

I was horrified and amused all at once. I have become all that once annoyed me...I'm younger, trendier, more liberal version of my dad. And I'm okay with that...as long as I don't go completely bald to complete the look (the hairline is receding, but at a snail's pace, thank the Lord!).

Speaking of my father...

I've come to terms with the "conversation" we had on Christmas. I took a long, hard look at what exactly he said, and realized that many of his personal issues were involved in it. I also realized that, as an adult, I can take his comments under consideration, but by no means to I need to internalize them and make myself nuts over it. I know what's right for me, and I need to learn to appreciate that and not second-guess myself all the time.

In other news...

New Years was fun and low key. Uvon and I watched the old Superman movies with some friends at his church, then we went home to have some wine and countdown to midnight. We had a very good talk about moving in together (which is practically a done deal at this point, and will take place in April). Then we spent the next day together, and had some wonderful time to make up for the week he was gone.

Last night I went out to sushi with my friend Alicia, whom I've known since high school. It was great to see her...she looks FABULOUS, and she seems happier than I've ever seen her. We caught each other up on our lives since we last hung out, and it gave me a good feeling about where I'm at and where I'm going. I've made a decision that I need to better cultivate my friendships in 2007. In the past year and a half, I've been so caught up in my own personal life, and its ups and downs, that I've let a lot of friends slip away. I want to use this year to bring old friends back into my life, and to make new ones.

I've actually got a lot of plans for improving my life in the new year. I've decided that I am the only one responsible for my personal happiness, and that it's a full-time job. I can't sit around waiting for happiness to come to me; I need to take an *active* role in facilitating that happiness. This applies to not only my friendships, but my career (which I'm considering shifting gears on, but I'm not yet certain of the direction I'll take), my life with Uvon (moving in is a big step, and I need to work on reaching the level of maturity, respect and openness to love that it will require), my finances (which, as of late, have gotten more out of control than I care to discuss, but I've come up with a game plan for reining them in), and my faith (I want to continue to grow into the Christian God wants me to be). So, it's a lot to work on, but in the end, I am the one who will reap the benefits, so it's worth all the work.

Whew, that was a long one! Hope y'all are still awake. I'm going to go work on all my "Jeege-improvement" projects now, and I'll keep you posted as to my progress.

May everyone have a healthy, blessed, and peaceful year.

Okay, so it's been a pretty crazy week. I've been missing the boif like crazy, and all the nonsense around me hasn't helped much.

First of all, Christmas at my parents' wasn't as fun as I expected. I had a long talk with my dad, which pissed me off. He said a number of things that pushed my buttons (which he is incredibly good at), and I've been obsessing over it for the past few days. He told me that, considering how Uvon and I started our relationship, one of us is obviously going to cheat on the other. He then told me that it's part of the "gay lifestyle", which pissed me off even more.

But the thing that made me the maddest was when he told me that I don't have anything positive in my life right now. That is a total lie, but he can't understand that, because he doesn't appreciate the same things I do. I know that Uvon and I aren't going to cheat on each other, and I love him so much. For the first time in years, I have passion in my life, and it feels great. I like my job, even with all its foibles. Yes, I'm in debt right now, and yes, I have a tiny apartment I pay too much for, but it's all good. I don't appreciate him cutting me down like that. I think part of the reason it affected me so much was my constant need for approval from the men in my life. This is something I need to deal with, and I'm going to discuss it with my psychiatrist.

Anyhoo, I'm glad that Uvon is coming home tomorrow. I miss him terribly, and I can't wait to be in his arms again.

I'll let y'all know how the new year starts off.

Okay, so I just Googled "Jeege" to see what comes up, and learned several things:

1. Some of my blogs are actually on Google! When I was on MySpace, I applied for consideration at Google, and nothing came of it. Thank you, LiveJournal!

2. There is some guy calling himself "Jeege" who actually posts on message boards about comic strips. Not comic books, mind you...comic strips. I am trying to figure out a way to contact this person and ask whence comes his name.

3. Apparently, Jeege is actually a Norwegian name. I cannot learn much more about it, as I have not brushed up on my Norwegian in a few years (30 or so).

4. There is some mushroom dish from Korea named Blah Blah Blah Jeege. This causes a search for my name to bring up a number of vegetarian websites, which annoys me.

That's it. Google yourself and see what you find! (That sounded dirty, and I'm glad!)

Okay, so being 30 isn't much different than being 29, except you apparently work more and are tired all the time, if the first few days are any indicator.

On Tuesday, I worked at 5 am, then picked up Uvon from work. Then we went over to Martha's to watch tv and stuff. They had cake for my birthday, and some presents, and it was a really nice evening.

Wednesday was the big blowout. 12 or so of us went to Hamburger Mary's for dinner, which is always a trip. Then we went up to Mary's Attick for karaoke. I love karaoke, and I wasn't sure how Uvon felt about it, so I tread lightly, but he really got into the spirit. It was a very good time...Josh and Mark and Will and Erik came (and a couple of other people who were party poopers), and we all sang and drank too much and did shots. One to many shots, in my case. I was fine the whole time I was at the bar, and then Uvon and I got a cab home. Somewhere along the way, I became INCREDIBLY drunk. We got to his place, got out of the cab, and as I was trying to maneuver the curb and the mud and carrying my presents, I fell. Hard. I landed face first on the sidewalk and totally scratched myself up. I look like I have road rash on my face! Plus, I seem to have given myself whiplash when I made contact with the cement. So not only am I 30, I'm also disfigured and paralyzed. Well, not really disfigured, and my neck is just a little sore and stiff, but I like the drama of "disfigured and paralyzed". It sounds so Phantom-of-the-Opera-meets-Stephen-Hawking. As you can all tell, age has not affected my flair for the dramatic.

Uvon leaves tomorrow for a week in Florida with his family. It will be nice for him, and I have to work a lot anyways, but it's the longest we've been apart since we've been "together" and I'm a little sad. I know the week will probably fly by, what with work and the holidays and all, but I do miss my boy when he's gone. Plus, I have to bring the cats to my place, which is far from cat-proof (I'm going to work on that tomorrow after work). And I hate waking up alone, especially at my place, because it's small and depressing. But I have plans for Christmas eve and Christmas day, so I'm sure I'll get along just fine.

So, as of 1200 hours, I'll be turning 30 (actually, at 2:30 or so tomorrow afternoon, but who's counting?). I thought I would share a few thoughts on this momentous event.

First of all, where did all this Jeege-ness begin? In Syracuse, NY, during a blizzard! Here's a pic:



That's my mom (she would kill me for posting that pic) timing her contractions while she's in labor with me! By the way, the outfit, the curtains, and the color of the walls were all in vogue when I was born (it has been a long time, hasn't it?).

So that's where the story begins, but where does it end up? Let's fast-forward to last year...December 19, 2005. The worst birthday I ever had.

Uvon and I had broken up on December 15 (a mutual decision, as things were more complicated than either of us could deal with at the time), and I had just been allowed back in my own apartment by Will. After he found out I had been seeing Uvon, he kicked me out and I stayed with my friend David for a couple days.

I was a basketcase. Breaking things off with Uvon was harder than I could have ever imagined. I cried and cried, and I couldn't concentrate on anything else. This is when I truly realized the depth of feeling I had for this wonderful man.

On top of all that, I came clean to Will about everything that had been going on, and his reaction was as to be expected. Hurt, betrayal, all sorts of terrible things. We were trying to give things another go, but deep in my heart, I knew it wouldn't work.

Needless to say, all of this emotion left me with little to put toward other things. Like work, which seemed like a needless distraction during all of this turmoil. So, on my 29th birthday, I quit my job. I won't go into details. I was already fed up with the job, and something the boss said made my decision for me.

Can you see why it was my worst birthday ever?

Fast-forward again, to today. Let's take a look at where I'm at:

I have a wonderful, sweet, special boyfriend whom I love and who loves me right back. I couldn't ask for more from him. We compliment each other in ways I'm only just beginning to understand. Being with him makes me feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be, like I'm home. It's the feeling I'd been searching for all my life, and now I have it. I am a lucky man.

I have a job that, although it can be annoying, fulfills me for the most part. I'm good at it, I'm in a position to move up the ladder, I like my fellow workers. It's a far cry from that job I quit a year ago, where I was used and abused until I couldn't understand why I even went there any more.

My family is doing well, too. My mom had back surgery in November, and it seems to have done the trick. Compare that to the back surgery she had last November, which just seemed to make things worse. My dad is working a lot, my sister and brother-in-law have two beautiful children, and all seems right with the world. Sure, we all have our hard times, but for the most part, we are all better off than we were a year ago.

So I'm going to go out on a limb, and say that my 30th year will be the best ever. I have a sense of self like never before, I'm happy for the first time in years, and the future's so bright, I gotta wear shades. Bring it on, 30! I'm ready for you!

Sorry about the mopey post last night. I was just in a funk, and decided to vent. I wouldn't say that I'm completely recovered, but I am doing much better today.

I got paid today, and immediately sent 80% of my money out to pay bills. Arrgghh. I hate credit cards so much. I've been trying not to use mine at all, but it's hard this time of year.

That's it for now. I have to work at 2, so I'm just enjoying not being there for a couple more hours.